Inner Conflict
by jai-kun
Summary: Shampoocentric about her reactions to Ranma's final choice.


This fic came to me because of a person's complaint that Ukyou/Ryouga fics give Shampoo and Mousse the short end of the stick. Don't ask me why I wrote it in soliloquy fashion, it just seemed to write itself...

RUMIKO TAKAHASHI OWNS THESE CHARACTERS!!! I DO NOT, I AM POOR, DON'T SUE MEEEEE!!! (Genma: I WANT TO LIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVE!!!)

If this seems to be more coherent than you're used to hearing Shampoo, it's because they are her thoughts, and would be clearer in her head. :P Anything in Angled brackets ... are spoken in Chinese.

Inner Conflict  
by Jai-kun

Oh, gods, he doesn't love me.

I crash into my room, fighting back inappropriate tears, slamming onto my bed when they win. They are hot and burn my eyes with truth. He doesn't love me. Chances are, he never did.

I again futilely try to fight the tears, the foreign emotion that doesn't belong. I am Xi'an Pu, Amazon of the Joketsuzoku village, the  
future leader...

And I am weeping like a three year old.

Great-Grandmother hops in on her staff, looking down at me in gentle understanding... but she cannot understand. Her eyes betray her unsteadiness. My wise grandmother cannot deal with a sixteen year old girl's broken heart.

I cannot fault her. Neither can I.

" Do not cry, Xi'an Pu. The village will understand. "

She hops back out after sometime when I do not respond. The village?!? Who cares about the village? This isn't about the village!

" THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE VILLAGE! "

My vision reddens, and my conscious mind steps back, allowing my actions to take over. When it steps forward again, my room looks like a war zone.

Slightly amused, I take in the damage I have wrought. What was on the walls lies in shreds on the floor. What was new looks old and tattered. Only my bed lies untouched, preserved by some survival instinct.

The worst part is, I don't feel any better.

Ranma doesn't love me.

When he called me to him at the school, took me to a private place, away from the others, and especially away from that violent girl Akane, I thought he was finally going to admit it. He was finally going to accept my love, my laws, and our destiny. Instead, he forced me to accept that these were illusions.

He loves Akane. He asked her, that violent, pushy, loud mouthed hussy, to marry him!

"No! Ranma no marry violent-girl! Xi'an Pu much much better choice."

He looked at me with... pity. I didn't want his pity! I wanted his love. "Shampoo, it ain't like I'm being forced to no more. We... we really..."

I took his hesitation as encouragement. "See? You no can say it! You n-"

"...love each other."

The look in his eyes was unmistakable, and it made me angry. "Xi'an Pu no lose you to violent-girl!! Xi'an Pu kill her, free you from spell!"

As I turned, his arm snatched mine in a vise like grip. In all the times we fought, even back home, when we first "met", he had never tried to hurt me. Now his hand tightened on my arm, pressing skin to muscle to bone, making it ache. "Don't you dare."

His words didn't stop me, or his hand on my arm. It was the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice that froze me in my tracks. The look I'd seen on his face when we fought Kirin, Touma, Saffron... that if I tried to hurt Akane, I would be his enemy.

I couldn't bear that, even in light of his rejection.

I ran home, fighting my losing battle with my tears.

Now I sit on my bed, letting them drop on the blanket that covers me at night. My logical side tries to remember that I had originally come her for my honor, to avenge my loss to a stranger, to a strange woman.

That I came here later for honor, to bring a strong man into the village.

But these thoughts only deepen my sadness. Somehow, a matter of honor became a matter of love.

I love... loved...

No. Love. I love Ranma Saotome.

And now, I know, he doesn't love me.

That hurts to the depth of my soul.

My tears come faster, running down my face in rivulets rather than individual streaks. Who will I turn to now? What will I become?

I have no friends here, only allies or enemies, all of which will abandon me when the reason for our conflict is resolved.

I thought I was comfortable that way. I thought that as long as we were warriors, there would be no reason to be friends. I was wrong.

I wish I had a friend now.

The door must have opened quietly, or when I was too distracted to notice. A strong hand touches my back tentatively, then pulls away. I don't react except to look up, my reflexes are so dull.

Slowly I turn my head. There sits Mu Tsu, on the edge of my bed, looking at the floor. My mind instantly pulls up one of many insults to drive him away, but the recent self revelation rejects them as quickly.

He isn't pawing me, he isn't forcing me to acknowledge his affections. He is only sitting, providing himself for me, if I want it.

It cries out to me more than any shout of love, and I accept it. I don't need, don't want a love right now. But he offered himself, for once, as a friend. Who knows what might come of it?

Who knows?

FIN

Author's end note: OK, so a lot of my recent fanfics seem to read a lot like Marisa Price's "Lesson in Love". This is not intentional. It's just how these things present themselves to me... Marisa, don't sue me, please?

I'd like to thank rpattill (sorry, friend, I don't know your whole name) for the inspiration behind this fic. It was his letter. He pre-read it, and liked it, and encouraged me to post it... so here it is!

I'd also like to thank Andrew Huang, owner of the Ryouga 'n Ukyou website (VISIT IT!!), for also pre-reading it, and helping me narrow down a title for this beast... and for suggesting a little more character development for a diminutive character.

Finally, I'd like to thank YOU, the reader, for reading this and commenting often (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!)


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